This day can mean many different things to different people, but for me it signifies the start of the month in which the two most important men in my life were born, my father and my son.

The significance of this today has led me try and articulate one of my greatest challenges, to find the meaning and purpose of my life, beyond the more mundane earthly matters, and into the realm of the unknown and unknowable, which is also one of the reasons I’m on this journey, not only “In Search of Australia” but equally “In Search of Me”!

Sometimes it’s hard to translate feelings into words, but using the best language I can come up with, it’s all about spirituality, transcending the physical, not letting logic or science get in the way and moving to a higher and more esoteric level: a belief!

I’m happy to have been brought up in the Christian tradition and I believe that in its most pure form the principles outlined in the Ten Commandments are good guardrails to live your life by, but I’ve always had a problem with the concept of religion, what I see to be the institutionalised form of the concept of Christianity. I’ve also had an issue believing some of the miraculous stories in the Bible, although I’m ashamed to admit I’ve never read it. And, I’ve had my doubts about Jesus being the Christ, the long awaited Messiah, the one and only Son of God! Which I am told by those I respect is the fundamental, binary cornerstone of being a Christian!

So this is my challenge and remarkably there have been a number of coincidences, signposts even epiphanies…if you will, that have come my way on my journey so far.

Going back to the beginning, last September, I was deeply affected by spending time alone in the Queensland outback, especially out on the Burketown salt pan. I felt a strong connection to country and developed a great respect for our First Australians who have developed a unique culture and belief system based on this land and their history. But I can’t pretend it’s my culture or in my DNA.

The next revelation was late last year when I read that Niall Ferguson, a man I greatly admire and whose books on the various foundation stones of our culture, everything from the history of Civilization, to Empire, to Money, to War and right up to the current day Chaos, has recently converted from being an “aggressive atheist” to a practicing Christian! This was particularly significant to me because his reputation as an “Economic Historian” is based on a pragmatic examination and interpretation of the facts. For him to be able to embrace the more mystical and abstract aspects of Christianity was something of a surprise to me. But, as he said, it comes down to a matter of allowing belief to overrule logic. He also said that the catalyst for his conversion was the recognition that these days so many people seem lost and the Christian belief system is being eroded by materialism, nihilism and competing ideologies. Such was his dismay at the trajectory of our society that he felt the need to re-embrace his Christian heritage, which he’d previously rejected, and to feel connected to something more transcendent.

The other thing that happened last year was on Christmas day, somewhat against my will I attended a Catholic church service, mainly to please my mother-in-law. I’d done this on many previous Christmases which were to me a bit like visiting the dentist but this one was different. Instead of the usual predictable service led by a sanctimonious priest, this service was led by a diminutive Nigerian (those two words don’t usually go together) priest who was obviously full of joy and spoke from the heart. The service was uplifting and at the end he invited everyone to join him for lunch with many of the homeless people from our local community. This cut through and was a great example of Christianity in action. The other remarkable thing was that halfway through the service Hewie, my son, tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that on the cover of the Order of Service the church’s logo was a lighthouse! Amazing, because in that moment I realised that lighthouses were all about saving people, and while I’d been preoccupied with tales of shipwrecks, tragedies and ghosts, the more important and unknown story was how many people had been saved by our lighthouses.

While I was in Sydney I made a point of catching up with one of my oldest and most sincere friends Chris, whose father Geoff first came up with the idea of visiting our lighthouses. Chris is a very committed Christian as are his wider family and for many years Chris has been encouraging me to embrace Christianity but for some inexplicable reason, up until now, the more he encouraged me the more I pushed back. I still don’t know why.

I had lunch with Chris before I left Sydney and he presented me with a Bible with a personal note and a picture of him, his wife Linda and Geoff. I asked him about Geoff because one of the things we’d shared on our various sailing trips was the fact Geoff, who was a doctor and man of science, was somewhat skeptical about the rest of his family’s devotion to the church. Chris said that in his final days Geoff had accepted Christ as his savior and died peacefully surrounded by his grateful family. This was meaningful for me as I had the greatest respect and admiration for Geoff and his family. I mentioned to Chris that I felt I was becoming more open minded and would make a point of reading the Bible he’d given me on my journey.

So I set off on Act II of my journey with a mixture of apprehension and uncertainty, I vowed to make this next stage different, to slow down and take the opportunity to delve into my deeper thoughts and feelings, not just about spirituality but anything else that came up for me.

Interestingly enough on my first night I was hit with a hammer blow, and the next day I decided to confront some of my inner fears and taboos. I’ve documented these in my earlier post “Shadowland” but I think the relevant point here is that, on reflection, maybe my reluctance to embrace Christianity is based on the injustice I felt on my father’s premature death. But as I get to understand Christianity better, I’m starting to understand that perhaps these perceived injustices are somehow part of a grander plan, as there was no greater injustice in the history of the World than the premature death of Jesus.

A couple of days later a car pulled up beside me in the carpark at Huskisson and after exchanging a few pleasantries with the lady next door we somehow got into a deeper conversation. What started as me telling her what I was doing somehow moved on to spirituality and Christianity. It turned out Donna is a Jehovah’s Witness and was there to join with some of her church friends in spreading the word. Usually I’d avoid any such conversation with public evangelists, but the way this unfolded seemed very natural and there was no doubting Donna’s sincerity and obvious joy in her belief. We’ve stayed in touch via text and sends me regular scripture references she thinks are relevant.

The next epiphany was appropriately enough at dawn on Easter Sunday at of all places, Eden. After a few days of rain I awoke to the most brilliant sunrise, made all the more special by the fact I was on a stunning headland in a beautiful pine forest and by myself. The perfection of this moment in time seemed surreal and I was able to fully appreciate the beauty and significance of this dawning. The sun rising over the sea on Easter Sunday felt very personal, and I’m pleased to say I went back to Max, and for the first time picked up the Bible and read John 3:16 as Chris had suggested. I’ve since read a few other passages from the and what surprises me is how approachable the language is and how matter of fact the apostles are in their teachings. The other thing that surprises me is the familiarity some of these passages have, maybe all those divinity lessons and chapel services I endured at school have left a lasting impression even if at the time I thought it was water off a duck’s back.

So that brings me back to now, today, May Day, the father, the son and the Holy Ghost, and the obvious question who or what is the Holy Ghost? There seems to be some conjecture as to what this means but as far as I can tell it’s the Christian belief that can live in us all, and I hope and believe that one day I will get there and be a part of this Holy Trinity.

To put this into context, I’m parked at the top of Mt. Dandenong on the outskirts of Melbourne, gazing out over a pine forest backed by layers of misty blue hills on a perfect autumnal day. I’m booked on the ferry to Tasmania next week and, for the first time on this trip, have found myself with time on my hands. There are a few people I’ll catch up with in and around Melbourne, but I deliberately decided to spend this day alone in the mountains and to try and distill my thoughts and experiences of the past six months into these words to share with you.

I admit to feeling self-conscious about publicising such intimate feelings but what the heck, it’s my website and I’ll say what I like. Interestingly, friends who are kind enough to have read some of my posts suggested that they were more interested in my thoughts and experiences than learning about old lighthouses, which for better or worse has encouraged me to put this out there now.

In truth I’ve been sitting on this post for many months, wondering what to say and how to say it. I’d originally given it the title “The Search” but felt with a title like that there needed to be an outcome, a final chapter, a conclusion so I kept putting it off because I hadn’t yet reached that point yet. But the more I thought about it the clearer it became, for some people their awakening can be instantaneous, but for others like me, it takes time.

Coincidentally I was at the Rip Curl Pro at Bells Beach last Sunday and everywhere I looked I saw “The Search”. That’s their advertising tagline but they can’t own it, because we all do, one way or another it’s what we are all doing!

So yesterday, when the significance of May Day dawned on me it was the catalyst for me to just do it, to have a go at putting my thoughts into words and see what happens. I’m not there yet but driven by belief in Thom Gunn’s mantra “One is always nearer by not keeping still”!

May Day can mean many things to many people: a mariner’s call for help, a socialist’s call to action and to the Celts, my pagan ancestors, it was called Beltane and associated with fertility, rebirth and the return of the sun.

To me it’s a special day too. I finally got this post written, I just had a call from my wife and my son in Mexico and my daughter’s returning from a camping trip. It’s been a great day, now the sun is setting and the stars are about to come out!